Hard to believe, but, yep, I had a breast reduction. I had the surgery that I thought would take my large, uneven, saggy boobs and make them worthy of a Victoria’s Secret model. Only, that’s not what happened.
Before I get into that, let’s go back to the beginning.
I was an early bloomer who was uncomfortable with her body. I developed breasts quickly and I. Hated. Them.
My aunt was the first person to get me a bra, which mortified me even though she was so proud to be the one to help me with this huge milestone. I picked the one that didn’t feel like a bra and kept that going until, well, forever.
I was in denial about my breasts, I felt like they were what I was known for. People always talked about how big or how great my boobs where. I’m talking about high school here. Turtlenecks or shirts that came up to my neck were the norm for me. Even my first two-piece bathing suit was a high-necked halter top! I just wanted them to disappear.
How did I deal? I would jam them into the smallest bra I could find. I would buy minimizing bras and sports bras. I even tried to use a tensor bandage. I tried it all.
I also played competitive soccer, which required me to wear two very tight bras to make sure I could run and not get knocked out by them.
They were heavy too. They hurt my back and the bras were hurting my shoulders. I was uncomfortable in every way. I hated them.
Then came Cooper and suddenly the breasts had a job to do. They had to feed him. For a hot minute I forgot that I hated them. Once I stopped nursing, the hatred came back, but stronger. They were now misshapen, uneven and looked gross.
I had had enough of these things and longed to be normal.
It took one ask of my doctor to get a referral. His words were, “you’re definitely an ideal candidate for breast reduction surgery.” With that, we got the ball rolling.
I was referred to a doctor in Toronto who was reputable, and we began the consultations right away. I was so excited to change my life and the way I felt about myself. Surgery went very well, but that’s where the happiness ends.
I wish I could say this had me running through the green pastures excited about my new life and new body, but it didn’t. Recovery was hard, and the results weren’t what I was expecting.
The drains. For the first day or two you have drains hanging out of your breasts, leaking fluid into bags that hang at your sides. You are in so much pain and discomfort it makes you wonder why the hell you did this yourself.
After a couple of months, you think you’re going to be able to do what you did before. But no. You’re still uncomfortable. It still hurts to lift your hands over your head. You’re still healing.
Six months later I felt better, and I decided to try soccer again and got nailed by a ball square in the chest. Oh, the agony.
After a year I was still more comfortable in sports bras than regular bras. I was sleeping in yoga bras for added support.
When I was ready for a real bra, I went to get fitted and my heart fell. After all that, I’m still a 34DDD. I didn’t get the size I was hoping for. After all that I still felt the same way about my boobs: I hated them. After all that I wondered, why did I do that just to feel the same way?
It wasn’t until my 38th birthday and nearly a year of working on myself that I came to terms with the way I look. The breasts aren’t an extension of me, they are part of me. People don’t talk about them because they’re gross. They talk about them because I naturally have something that many people want.
Was it all worth it? Honestly, no. I wish I had worked on my mindset a long time ago, accepting the fact that breasts are beautiful. I was uncomfortable because of a few things: improper bra fitting and trying too hard to hide what I had. Cancel that. What I was gifted.
It’s not a bad thing to have a larger chest, or a larger butt or legs that touch. Confidence is the key to beauty. I am choosing to embrace what I have.
As women, we want what other people have all the time, but I’m finding so much happiness in accepting how I’m built. As a curvier girl, there are things that just won’t look good on me, and that’s ok. Other things look great!
I have made best friends with Victoria’s Secret. They cost more, but there’s no price tag on comfort. I still wear two bras when I work out too. Accepting this has made a difference in back and shoulder pain, and I can hold my head high instead of hunching over to hide or wearing bras that don’t fit properly.
Most importantly, accepting how I am built has made me happier. Like they say, flaunt it if you got it!
P.S. If you’re thinking of a breast reduction, this is a decision you must make yourself. Friends of mine have had amazing success and couldn’t be happier with their results. I suggest you do research on the surgeon and make sure more than one person is happy with the results. Also be prepared for a long recovery. It was tough. Really tough.