Sharing some of the struggles I’m facing as a mom of a Newborn.
These past few weeks with baby Hunter have been wonderful and snuggly and dreamy.
But they’ve also been incredibly hard.
When I think about how I’ve shared this new chapter in my life with everyone, I realize I’ve skipped over some of the difficult stuff. It wasn’t intentional, I guess I just never really thought it was that important.
But talking about the tough times is important. So here it is. The stuff that no one really talks about but should. The not-so-nice side of being a new mom and the things that have been hardest for me.
The thing that first struck me a few nights after bringing Hunter home was how unbelievably lonely motherhood can be, especially with a new baby.
Being up night after night for feedings and diaper changes, sleeping in shifts with my husband or trading off parenting duties between us. I spend a good deal of time alone with the baby and the feeling of isolation can be overwhelming at times.
Part of being alone with the baby all the time means I don’t leave the house as much as I did. It’s just easier to stay home right now even if I don’t leave the house for days on end.
I know as Hunter gets older, going out will get easier and my sense of feeling housebound will disappear. But for now staying at home most of the time is how we’re managing.
Dealing with anxiety has become a part of my evening routine since having Hunter.
You know that feeling when the tension is rising in your chest and you have to breath through it? That. That’s what I feel when I stop and think about my next day. Because most evenings I feel like I’ve run out of time and didn’t get anything done, or enough done.
Basically my to – do lists just pile up and pile up and the mental load of thinking about it all is completely exhausting.
Struggling to Find Balance
Trying to balance all three kids needs is a constant challenge.
I need to spend more time with my daughters because they notice my absence and miss me, and I miss them.
They notice that since having Hunter I don’t take them to their activities, that I don’t put them to bed or cook dinner, and that I’m always with the baby.
My husband is God damn amazing and does all of these things so I can take care of Hunter and work in the evenings. But I miss being there for my girls and am struggling to find the balance.
Who Am I?
Lately when I look in the mirror or see photos, I often don’t recognize myself.
I’m not comfortable in my post-pregnancy body and focusing on myself is something I desperately want to do. But, trying to fit in time for a walk seems impossible most days.
I know this too will get easier as Hunter gets older but patience has never been my strong suit.
Despite these challenges that I’m dealing with, I’m also incredibly happy. The good times outweigh the tough ones and I’m grateful for my baby each and every day.
Just know that the next time you see a post on social media with someone’s seemingly perfect life, that they too have difficult days and things they struggle with.