It’s a question I get asked a lot: why only one child?
The choice to stop at one was just that, a choice.
I know so many moms who don’t get to make the decision. Medical conditions or other factors play a part in that. I feel you, and please know my heart goes out to you.
But I’m going to explain how we came to be just the three of us.
When I met Tobin he changed my life path. I had it all planned out: work hard in TV, get to a Toronto station where I’d work even harder and eventually anchor. I didn’t anchor, but I did make it to Toronto!
With Tobin I was happy and in love. While my career was still important to me, we grew our careers together and made decisions that would benefit both of us.
We discussed everything, and that included what our lives looked like together and if that included kids.
From day one we were on the same page about how many kids we would want, and that was a single digit. Just one.
We just thought one would be the best number to give that one child everything we have with energy, time, and finances.
Also, one just felt like it was the right number for us.
We took our time before starting our family. We weren’t prepared for how long it would take. Thankfully, after nearly a year of trying, we were pregnant.
We were married for four years before Cooper came, and I remember everyone asked when I was going to have more. Sometimes this question would be asked while I was pregnant.
My favourite question was, “what if something happens to this child, don’t you want another one just in case?”
Or, “that’s not fair to this kid to not have a brother or sister.”
My pregnancy was something. Being only 5’0”, carrying a big baby was hard. I wasn’t the best pregnant woman and I willed this little guy to come out.
Well, he stayed there for an extra 10 days, refusing to come out when I was induced. He was delivered via c-section.
The hospital stay was another thing that will take a long time to write, oh but someday I will write about that. They could make a dramatic show about it!
Once I saw that little one it was so incredible to see his face. His lips were like mine. He was pudgy and had dark hair. I had never loved anyone the way I loved him.
Why just one?
Superficially it was because I hated being pregnant. Delivery was a nightmare. Trying to conceive was a let down month after month.
The deep-down reason: I had one beautiful, healthy baby boy and it felt right.
It has been right for the past 9 years.
The three of us really take pride in the fact that it’s just us. We do pretty much everything together.
We never felt like there was someone missing. We felt complete, and still feel complete.
Cooper gets asked all the time if he wants a brother of sister and he really doesn’t. He’s surrounded by family and friends, so he doesn’t feel alone.
It’s funny how even after 9 years I still get asked if I’ll have more. It seems our society is obsessed with how each woman chooses to reproduce and people still seem to have an opinion on how many kids women should have. Like there’s a magic number.
Speaking with other moms of one recently, they told me there are stereotypes about single kids, saying bad behaviour can be blamed on the fact that they don’t have siblings. What?!
I know the decision to have one child isn’t a choice other moms get to make. Fertility issues will dictate size of families even though the mom knows in heart she was meant to have more. My thoughts are with you.
For those who do have a choice, like I did, it’s a choice you make and it’s for no one to judge. And it would go the other way if I decided to have 5 kids. It’s up to me.
The short answer to why only one: it just felt right to us.
It has been right for us and I wouldn’t change it for the world.