Pregnancy is a joy, but also, it’s gross, uncomfortable and full of surprises that no one talks about!

This may be my third pregnancy, but it’s been very different from the other times.

In fact, each time has been so different.  I know it’s a miracle and I’m incredibly blessed, but it’s also freaking hard…especially dealing with the side affects no one warns you about!

Or in my case, the ones I’ve forgotten about. This may be TMI but for those mama’s not sure what to expect…let me share some of the less than fun parts of my pregnancy experience.

It’s not Pregnancy Glow…it’s sweat

My least fave has to be the body sweat, in particular sweaty crotch. Also referred to as “swass.”

You can be feeling totally fine one minute and then the next your crotch is on fire and sweat is pouring out of your body, sometimes so badly it soaks through onto your clothes.

I’m now at the point where wiping that sweaty a$$ is a challenge. The act of turning or reaching is exhausting and sometimes I think I need a nap just because I went to the bathroom.

Oh, and while we’re talking about things down there — don’t even think about skipping your daily shower. The word pungent should be used A LOT when describing pregnancy. I’m showering about two times a day just to feel ok. Forget fresh! It’s like Shrek’s swamp down there.

Sarah and her baby bump lying on the bed

BOOBS!

Your boobs getting bigger isn’t exactly a surprise symptom, but since I’m usually small chested, it always shocks me at how damn heavy my tatas become.

And ladies, those cute little nips are a thing of the past. Say hello to pancake central with nipples that don’t even resemble the ones you used to know. They’re dark too. What the hell!!!!

The Un-pretty Preggo Stuff

Spider veins, skin breakouts and crazy flyaway baby hairs also add to the fun but at least can be disguised and managed.

How about the melasma or pregnancy mask.  Thankfully I haven’t had that symptom, but Apryl did. Poor girl, she had it on her upper lip so it looked like a mustache. It took years to get rid of it.  If you’ve never heard of Melasma, it’s a dark pigmentation of your skin, usually on your face.

But again, no one talks about that!

Teething….not the way you think

And the weirdest symptom has been the feeling that my teeth were loosening from my gums. Nothing really prepares you for the terrifying fear that all your teeth are about to fall out of your head! Again, what the hell!!!!

Not Sleeping

I love sleeping in. I’m a night owl, so I like to sleep in a bit in the morning. However, when you’re pregnant you can’t sleep. You’re up all the damn time. You can’t get comfortable. When the clock strikes 4am…. BING! You’re up and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Gas

Oh man, no one prepares you for the awful smells that come from your rear end. I could eat so healthy, but it won’t matter. I can clear a room in a second once I unintentionally let one rip.  I wish I could say it happens occasionally, but nope. All the damn time.

My poor husband is subjected to this at nighttime and Apryl is always victimized by the bombs while we’re driving. It’s embarrassing!!

Vegetarian

I knew food aversions would happen. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I couldn’t walk by a Starbucks without puking in my mouth. But now I can’t eat meat.

I love to stick to a healthy diet, but this kid is like, “give me all the carbs!” And that’s all I can eat. Carbs and veggies. If you try to hand me some meat, I will projectile vomit on you, Exorcist style.

Sarah folding baby clothes

Ok, that was a lot of venting and a ton of truth bombs. Hopefully it helps all you newly pregnant mamas out there get ready for the 9 month ride of your life. If you’re planning on getting pregnant, I hope this doesn’t scare you. It’s not all bad.

XO

Sarah

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